into the deep end

Oh man you guys. This has been…. quite the week.

As I've alluded to here before, I've been unhappy with my job for some time now. Awhile ago I decided, for a number of reasons, that I wanted to work towards returning to tutoring full-time.

There were a lot of reasons I came to this decision, and I plan to get into them in depth sometime soon, but not tonight. The point is, I've been quietly working towards making this happen for several months now. This is part of why I moved my blog to being self-hosted–I was purchasing hosting for my soon-to-be tutoring site anyhow, so I figured I may as well move all of my online world while I was at it.

But despite the fact that I've been working on this awhile, I wasn't originally planning on it happening quickly. I was very worried about becoming overwhelmed by everything involved in working for myself, and I also wanted to build up more of a financial cushion before I took the plunge.

Then about two months ago, a job opportunity came to my attention that I could not ignore–a full-time, salaried, online tutoring position. It was test-prep focused, which is not my favorite kind of tutoring, but if I got it, it was going to be a much faster route to a lot of the things I was hoping to get out of going into business for myself. It also paid significantly better than my full-time writing job. So I decided to apply, figuring that if I got it, it would be, at minimum, a more satisfying way to spend my time while building up some savings before striking out on my own.

And the application/interview process seemed to go well, though it was very long and involved. I kept getting passed to the next stage, and the next.

With the reality of something better seemingly within reach, my day job grated on me more and more. After weeks of interviewing, I found myself anxiously waiting for a final answer. I wanted it to happen so damn badly, and it felt like not getting it would be the end of the world.

I knew that was silly though. There was no reason going into tutoring full-time had to be dependent on getting this job. So a few days before I was supposed to hear back, I decided that whatever the answer was, I would not stay at my job into 2015. If I got the gig, great, and if I didn't, I'd have all of December to apply to various tutoring agencies, so that by January I'd be able to scrape together enough hours to pay the bills. It wouldn't be the slow, careful process I had planned, but it would get me on the road to where I wanted to be, which seemed so much better than continuing to spin my wheels at the office.

This Monday, I heard back about the job: I didn't get it.

I was devastated, but after a few hours feeling sorry for myself, I got it together and decided I was going to follow through on my plan: I would be tutoring full-time again by January.

I wanted to make this commitment solid and real, and so I emailed my supervisor to let her know that I wouldn't be returning after the end-of-the-year holiday break.

The next day, my supervisor informed me that actually, the company would like me to not come back after Thanksgiving.


In retrospect, I probably should have realized this was a possibility and kept my decision to myself. But as it was, I knew my department was busy with a big project that is scheduled for completion right before Christmas, so I had assumed that there was no way they would want to get rid of me before that was wrapped up.

But beating myself up about it doesn't matter now. The point is: in one week, I went from excited about a potential new job, to rejected by that job AND let go from my current one. And now I need to get my shit together ASAP and make this tutoring business I've been slowly planning for for ages happen…right now.

I'm still reeling a little bit, but I think that overall, I'm going to be okay. I'm not thrilled with how light December is going to be in terms of pay (I've been tutoring a few hours a week for awhile, so that will continue and I may add a few more students, but it is unlikely I will manage a full load before the holidays), but a little time off to breathe and plan is not the worst thing in the world either.

I plan to spend the next week mostly planning, working on my tutoring website, and putting up shiny profiles at lots of listing sites. There will likely be a fair bit of writing happening as well, as that's how I process things, but I can't say yet how much of that will end up here.

Regardless though, exciting and terrifying things are happening, and however they turn out, there will certainly be a lot to talk about in the coming months.

Stay tuned.

2 thoughts on “into the deep end

    1. Thank you!

      As for the wishlist, I didn’t really mean to share that publicly… I have a IFTTT recipe set up that re-shares links I put on facebook on tumblr. I thought I had it restricted so posts shared to only smaller groups (in this case, my family) would not get re-shared, but alas, I did not.

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